Alice's Angst
by Consumed By Darkness
Summary: What happens when Jasper isn't with Alice? What happens when the Cullens attempt to leave Jasper behind? An insight into the world of Alice... Chapters 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 are here!
1. Freak

**Hey, this is my first ever fan fiction here. I figured that there wasn't enough insight into what Alice must feel, so I had the inspiration to create a fan fiction about her… **

**I really hope you enjoy it - I had fun writing it. I know it's short, but I'm not great at writing really long chapters…**

**Feel free to review, I don't mind constructive criticism - I don't get enough from my beta…!**

**Laura Maisie :D**

I stared out of the window in jealousy. There were a group of teenage girls sitting on the field of grass, about a mile away from our house. It was a beautiful day, with the sun beating down as the girls laid there without a care in the world. I wished I could do as they did; do as any teenage girl would do on a day such as this. But if I did, my family's secret would probably be discovered. You see, we were vampires. We didn't burn in the sun, but we would glow in a supernatural way - a way that would describe us as freaks.

I _was _a freak.

If it wasn't for the fact that the rest of my 'family' were vampires too, then I would have attempted to kill myself by now. Not that I haven't _tried._ It's extremely difficult to kill yourself when you're a vampire - we can hold our breath indefinitely, our skin is like granite, we don't bruise, bleed or anything that humans could do. No, the only way to kill a vampire would be to tear it apart and burn its pieces. I sighed. 

"Edward, I know you're outside the door. Go away." I said, in a low voice - knowing he would hear. We had acute senses: we could smell _everything, _see _everything, _hear_ everything. _

"Alice, stop putting yourself down," Edward replied soothingly, "You're not a freak. If you're a freak, then so am I. You're my sister and I love you. Now stop moping and unlock this door. I don't really think Esme would be excited if I shattered it into splinters."

I thought for a second, then dashed over to unlock the door and back to the open window in less than a second. Did I forget to tell you? We also have incredible speed and strength, if the un paralleled senses weren't enough. Edward creaked the door open - slowly, for him (he's the fastest in our family of vampires) - and walked over to me. He didn't sit down next to me; he just stood behind me - staring at my reflection in the window, his topaz eyes filled with worry.

"Haven't I told you already? Get _out _of my head!" I snarled, a growl ripping through my teeth. Edward could read my mind. This was difficult to put up with, someone reading my thoughts all the time. 

"I know that you're worried about Jasper, but you don't need to think about killing yourself because he's gone. He will be back, and if you were dead, he'd probably rampage through all fifty states and kill everyone in his way." Edward said, his voice still even, though I'd just been rude toward him.

I giggled nervously, and nodded my head. 

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Sorry." I apologized, before leaping towards him and squeezing him around the waist. I looked up into my 'brother's' topaz eyes. "So, why _are _you in my room now?"

"For someone who can supposedly see the future, your mind has a _lot _of holes." He chuckled. Oh yeah, I can see the future. If I wasn't enough of a freak already. "I'm here, because Esme wanted to check that you were okay. And so did I. Ever since Jasper did leave, I've been questioning your mental capability."

My lips stretched into a smile. "Edward, I'm fine. I'll probably see it if something happens to Jasper. But I still can't help worrying. I do _love _him."

Edward, like he was totally oblivious to what I had said, didn't answer. He was staring at the wall in mine and Jasper's room, where a picture of us - me and Jasper, of course - were looking like we were having a good time with each other, laughing and hugging. And staring into each others eyes with an intensity that was unbelievable. I suddenly clicked about what he must be thinking.

I wrapped my arms tighter around his waist. He didn't move - still as a statue. "Hey, don't worry. You'll find someone."

Edward stayed silent. Then, without any warning, he pulled my arms from around his waist and walked from my room. My eyes strayed back to the picture. 

"Poor Edward." I muttered.

**What did you think? I'll let you know now that I have done seven chapters of this already, but I can easily edit things… :D**

**So, if you have ideas I could use - go ahead, write a review and tell me. I'll probably use it in future chapters.**

**Thanks!**

**Laura Maisie :D**


	2. The Plan

**A.N: I apologize!! I'm so sorry that I haven't posted in... however long it's been! I hope that you haven't ditched me... :D Well, here's the next Chapter!**

I danced down the spiral staircase and walked into the living room, where Carlisle, Emmett, Rosalie and Esme were sitting on the sofa, like they were having a private discussion. Esme looked up at me, and stared into my eyes with worry.

"What's wrong with Edward?" She asked gently, making room for me on the settee beside her. I walked over and sat down.

"I think it's the 'love' thing again." I whispered. Edward hadn't been able to find love, not in all the forty-nine years I'd known him. I had found Jasper, but that was another story. Carlisle; Esme and Rosalie; Emmett. Our true loves. Edward was without. I could feel his pain, emanating from him every time he was near us, but it would just add to the build up of worry I had at the moment. Damn! Our life was so confusing! "What's going on down here?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

I had a vision. My eyes widened as I saw the pictures behind them. It would happen in a few seconds time: Carlisle would tell me we had to move.

"No!" I gasped with shock, "Don't say it. Please, don't say it." I breathed, anxious. If I could cry, by now, I would've done.

"I'm sorry, Alice. But we might have to move." Carlisle said glumly. I could tell that he wished that it wasn't true himself. But it was.

"We've stayed here long enough. If we stay here any longer, we run the risk of being discovered." Rosalie added. It looked like she could have tears in her eyes too, if she were human.

I mouthed the next words. "But what about….. Jasper?"

"We haven't really decided properly yet. But, we may have to leave him behind if he doesn't return soon." Emmett spoke that time, and I was sure that he regretted it as soon as I glared at him: my eyes boring angrily into his.

I had another vision: Jasper, returned home - but no one was there. He looked hurt, confused.

"Then why do I see Jasper returning to THIS house, and we not here!" I shouted, jumping up.

The anger was boiling up inside of me; I just tried not to unleash it onto my beloved family. Instead, I ran upstairs and into Edward's room as fast as I could. He was there, ready to catch me. He lifted me gently, and sat me on his lap on the sofa which was in the middle of his room. He stroked my hair and whispered comforting remarks into my ear. I was glad to have Edward as a brother, he always understood - always cared.

"Shhhh, calm down Alice." He whispered. "Everything's going to be okay."

"But what about Jasper?" I sobbed dryly. "He's going to come here, and we won't be here! What will he do then, Edward? Destroy half of America?"

"He won't. I know him." Edward replied simply.

I had a vision. This time, Jasper returned home, and we were here. Edward and I were there, so he was only confused about the whereabouts of the rest of our large family. We explained, and we ran with him to our new home.

"Oh, Edward!" I buried my face in his muscled chest, hugging him tightly. My feelings of sadness and anger had evaporated and were replaced by happiness.

"That's a good idea, now I think about it." Edward mused, retaliating to the vision he had seen in my head.

"Oh, can we, can we?!" I practically screamed, jumping up in excitement. My bouncy attitude had made Edward leap up too. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his index finger and his thumb, and shook his head, while closing his eyes.

"I don't know Alice, it might not be safe. Anyone could come after us and we would be vulnerable without the rest of the family." He said slowly, without opening his eyes. He ran his free hand through his tousled bronze hair and gradually opened them.

"B-but… Jasper?" I stammered, not believing what my favourite brother had just said. Not safe? What was that about? We'd have a mind reader, a future-teller and we'd both be kick-ass strong! What did he mean?

"I don't want to risk hurting you, Alice. I love you, and if you were to get hurt, then I would be responsible for not keeping you safe enough." Edward replied gently, reading my mind - again.

"I don't need keeping safe, Edward, I'm just as strong as you, if you hadn't noticed." I retorted, raising one of my perfectly plucked eyebrows.

I walked towards the giant windows at the back of his room and gazed out at the wildlife, thinking about how Jasper would feel if we left him behind…

"Oh, okay. Fine! We'll do it, if you stop with the detailed explanations!" Edward winced, feeling his brother's pain in my head. "We have to discuss it with Carlisle and Esme first, though."

"Okay." I said, smile lighting up my pale face.

**Soo.. Second chapter. Better or Worse? Up to you! R&&R Please... :)**


	3. Chapters 3, 4, 5, 6 and 7 :

_**A/N: **__Well, guys… If you're still fans of my writing, then thumbs up to you! But I don't blame you for getting fed up of my taking too long to post… I've been too busy with essays and exams, and now - the end of the school year - I can post a lot more than I did before! I HAVE been working on it, and am now working on Chapter 8, for a hopeful finish in the next couple of weeks (ish).. I do apologize so much for leaving you without so much as an update telling you what I was up to… So I've posted the next FIVE chapters for you, in one bundle…! ;) I really hope that you enjoy it, and am grateful for reviews!_

_Disclaimer… I don't own the Twilight franchise (however much I want to) __J_

_ENJOY!_

**CHAPTER THREE…**

With mine and Edward's hands clasped together, I felt safe. And happy. Happier than a long time. We loped down the stairs and into the library, where the family were - searching for our new home. They didn't look up at us as we walked in. I guess they'd heard our conversation.

Esme grabbed my shoulders from behind. "Why, Alice? Why not just come with us? We'll come back for Jasper! I don't want to have to worry about you constantly. If I weren't a vampire, I'd probably have gray hairs now, the ways all of you lot behave!" She sounded genuinely concerned; she wasn't faking it to persuade me to stay.

"Sorry, Esme. I have to wait for him. He's the other half of me, my soul!" I replied, passionately. I could feel Edward wince beside me. _Sorry Edward, _I thought.

"I'll keep her safe. Don't worry - if anyone harms her, I'll destroy them!" Edward said toward Esme, gritting his teeth on the 'destroy'.

"Personally, I think it's a great idea, Alice and Edward staying behind. If anyone came here, then Alice would show them what's what! She may be small, but she has fists of iron!" This came from Emmett, who was chuckling to himself in the corner of the large library. Rosalie glared at him, and punched him in the arm; hard. Emmett stopped laughing and rubbed his arm, mouthing 'Ow'.

"I agree with Emmett." Surprisingly, this was from Carlisle. He usually didn't want to split the coven up, unless it was absolutely necessary. "If Alice sees danger, Edward could always easily take her to where we'd be - he's plenty fast enough."

Excitement seeped through me, but then worry overtook that. What would the rest of the Cullens do if I was leading danger their way? It would be my fault… I caught Edward's face, and he mouthed 'Don't worry.'

"So, where are you lot deciding to go? Somewhere overcast?" I asked, deliberately changing the subject. If we carried on, it was possible that I might have my mind changed by Esme.

"At the moment, we're thinking Forks, in the Olympic Peninsula of Washington D.C. It's apparently the most rained-on city in the USA! We've been there in the past, before you and Jasper appeared, and it's great!" Carlisle exclaimed, suddenly excited, the seriousness gone in his tone.

"Yeah, it'll be great. I'm looking forward to it." I replied. "So, when will you leave?"

"Tomorrow. The sooner the better."

"Okay."

I let go of Edward's hand and made my way up the stairs once more to retreat to mine and Jasper's room. I looked on the bookshelves and found my favourite book: _Sense and Sensibility, _by Jane Austen. I sat down on the bed - unnecessary, I don't sleep, didn't I mention that already? - And opened the book to read. I was so immersed in reading that I didn't realise that Rosalie had crept in quietly, and was sitting at my desk, staring at my expression, which was blank.

Eventually I did, so I put down the book and stared into Rosalie's concerned eyes. Rosalie was like an older sister to me, someone to talk to. Not as great as Edward, but someone I could lean on nevertheless. The questions soon began.

"Are you sure you're okay?" She asked first, running her amber eyes over me protectively.

I sighed. Why wouldn't people stop asking whether I'm okay? Jasper left last night. I miss him, yeah, but I didn't need a psychoanalysis from everyone one of my siblings AND parents!

"I'm fine." I didn't need to run through all of my worries right now. I just wanted to relax and think in peace.

"Well, if you're sure…?"

"Yes, Rosalie, I am." I said, tense. I hoped that she didn't noticed. She didn't, thank goodness.

"See me if you have anything to talk about. I know how you're feeling right now. I had it a lot in my human life." She exited my room, flinging her blonde hair from side to side.

I moved over to the window, next to the picture of Jasper and I. I ran my fingers along the intricate patterns of the frame as I looked into the moon's light, which was glistening onto my skin. My skin reacted; it shimmered delicately. I thought about what I was to say, then opened my mouth to repeat it to the light.

"Jasper, if you can hear me, please return soon. I miss you and I need to know if you're safe." I whispered.

**CHAPTER FOUR...**

I watched the sun rise slowly above the large green trees in the horizon. I hadn't moved a millimetre since last night, even though the rest of the family had been in and out of my room since then, checking if I was okay. I never said anything though and just went on staring out into the darkness. Edward had stayed the longest - about four hours - and sat with me, gazing at the moonlit sky; all of the stars shining back at us, with his arms wrapped around my petite body, like a hug.

Eventually, I decided to get up. Slowly, I stood on my feet - cautious, gently. I glided over toward the double doors of my walk-through wardrobe, and traced the engraved designs on the oak doors before turning the metal handles to open them. I _walked _in - I wasn't feeling great, this was why I wasn't completing everything at my usual pace. I opened the nearest draw and pulled out the first outfit that came to hand. I didn't even stop to see what I had picked up. Besides, I didn't care what I wore today; I had no one to dress up for.

After dressing, I looked at my appearance in the mirror. I was thirsty, my eyes were coal black - they had even lost their usual glistening sheen - and I had purple bags under my eyes. I would need to hunt soon, but I didn't want to leave until my beloved was home, safe. My black pixie hair was still perfect; I didn't even need to brush it through today. I wore a pale pink cashmere sweater, and light blue faded jeans. Not my usual attire, but it would have to do.

A soft noise filled the air around my ears, distracting me from my appearance. It was Edward, playing a gentle tune on the grand piano downstairs. I followed the beautiful music like a cat would follow string, and leant against the smooth, white surface while he played. He stopped, and his eyes met mine. We stared at each other helplessly before we spoke. His eyes were a dark yellow colour today, and they were filled with an intense emotion. Pain.

"Are you okay?" We both whispered at exactly the same time. Damn! He must have seen the pain in my own eyes _and _heard it in my thoughts. And then it hit me. He was in pain because I was in pain. I hadn't stopped thinking about Jasper _all _night, not even for one minute. My God, I'm selfish. I didn't think about Edward. Damn, damn, damn.

At last, a crooked smile broke across his face. It didn't hit his eyes, or light up his face, but it was a smile all the same.

"Stop apologizing. You haven't done anything wrong. You're just a bit worried at the moment." He said gently.

"This isn't about _me _any more. Are _you _okay?" I asked, concerned.

"I'm as okay as I can be at the moment."

"They… They're leaving… Today."

"I know."

**CHAPTER FIVE…**

"I'm really going to miss them," I whispered sadly, "But Jasper is my first priority."

"And that's why we're staying." Edward replied soothingly.

Esme had entered the room whilst I was saying that I was going to miss them. She looked so concerned, so upset it looked like she could cry - if it was possible. My eyes pricked. I could've cried too.

"Honey," she said to me, "Are you _sure _that you don't want come with us? Edward could always stay." Edward straightened up at the idea of not having me in the 'risk zone'. He also liked the idea of _him _staying behind to meet _my _husband.

"No." I growled. I wouldn't leave Edward by himself. And _I _wanted to be the first to greet Jasper when he returned, not Edward.

"Touché." Edward replied to my thoughts. "I agree with your second point; I don't really _need _looking after."

"Oh, yes you do." I replied, teasing him slightly.

"So, you won't come, baby sis? We'll miss you while we're setting up in Forks." Emmett said, walking into the room. His broad shoulders were slumped, like he was disappointed somehow.

"Don't worry Em'." I said, bounding over to trap him in a tight bear hug. "As soon as Jasper gets home, we'll come straight to Forks, so you won't have any time to miss me."

He looked at me, sadness in his eyes, and broke out of the bear hug easily. He was the strongest out of us. Rosalie entered, concerned about her husband. She took his hand, and kissed it softly.

"I'll miss your feisty attitude and the way you make us laugh all of the time. And your vibrant personality. And I might not even dress right without you around!…" Emmett babbled on about how he was to miss me.

"Stop it! You'll actually make me cry in a minute!" I fumed, angry with myself that I'd made this happen.

Someone's arms wrapped around my waist at that moment. It was Edward.

"Shhhh. Calm down." He whispered.

"I will calm down when everyone stops making me feel guilty! I've had enough!" I shouted, breaking out of Edward's arms and running to the stairs. I took a deep breath, and put my head in my hands.

Why was this happening? Did I have to make a choice between my family and my _husband_?

**CHAPTER SIX…**

I was sat on the stairs, contemplating what I was thinking about when Carlisle appeared at the top of the stairs.

"Alice." Was all he had to say.

"I'm sorry. I'm really selfish."

"No you're not!" He glided down the stairs and hovered on the step behind me.

"You're the least selfish person I've known! You're giving up the easy route, which is to move with us, to lead the hard route. Don't blame yourself for our emotions; we're just a close family."

Trust Carlisle to speak his 'wise words'. He eventually lowered himself to sit on the step behind me.

"But Carlisle, if I'm to hurt you…" I trailed off, deep in thought.

"You won't."

"Knowing me, I probably will. I don't know that Jasper will even come back anytime soon, so Edward and I are stuck here indefinitely!"

"I'm sure we'll cope."

"But-"

Carlisle interrupted me. " Alice, we are strong vampires. I'm sure we'll live. And anyway, Forks is harmless. The last time we went, nothing came after us - not even another vampire! I'm sure the Denali coven will be glad to have us close again." He mused.

The thing is, Carlisle, I don't know when Jasper _will _return. It's a possibility that he's dead right now. " - I choked on the word 'dead' - "And even if he isn't, I might have to come to Forks soon. He may never return!"

"Your vision did show you that he would return." Carlisle retorted.

"But my visions have holes! I've been finding them harder to read lately. I can't see Edward's future - he's very indecisive. I can't even tell some things that should happen two minutes later! I'm beginning to not be able to trust my visions. It's difficult for me, okay?"

"But that may just be indecision." Carlisle replied simply.

"It could be. But I can't tell, Carlisle. I want to. I want to really badly. But eventually, my visions may go. I can't always tell _my _future, which really annoys me! It's like, when Jasper left, he took most of my power away with him."

"You're visions will grow stronger as time goes. I'm positive."

Great, Carlisle was giving me a pep talk. Without the peppiness. I really didn't need this right now. But then I remembered. They were going to leave very soon.

Carlisle must have seen it on my face or something, because the next thing he said was " Well, I think that we should get our things together."

I groaned. Why, now? Well, it was inevitable - I guess leaving was always going to happen sometime. But I didn't want anymore grief. I had enough on my mind right now. I felt like crying, but tears wouldn't escape, no matter how much I tried to make them real. Instead, I ran upstairs and into mine and Jasper's room and buried my head in our pillows to sob dryly.

**CHAPTER SEVEN…**

Why was I so depressed lately? It's probably because of Jasper, but I didn't want him to know that I'd fallen to pieces just because he went on an expedition to get used to our 'vegetarianism'. We were 'vegetarian' vampires. Have you read the myths? About us drinking _human _blood? Well, we do. But not all of us. Us, the Cullens and the Denali coven in Alaska drink animal blood. It doesn't give us as much strength as human blood, and it doesn't taste as nice, but it saves us from hurting anyone.

If Jasper knew how torn I was; how confused, how upset - he would come home straight away. But he didn't. He didn't know. And I was going all out to make sure he would arrive home safely.

"Alice?" A musical, velvety voice spoke.

"Go away." I mumbled into my pillow.

My door opened and two sets of footsteps walked in. I could tell that it was Rosalie and Edward.

"Sweetheart, you have to come downstairs to say good bye." Rosalie said gently, using her motherly tone.

"No. I don't like goodbyes." I said. I sounded pathetic.

"Can I speak with her alone?" Edward asked Rosalie. I heard the brush of her hair on her cheek as she nodded yes. She soon exited the room swiftly and I could hear her footsteps as she dashed down the stairs. Edward sat on the end of the bed and fidgeted with the beaded patterns on the duvet.

"You're not pathetic." He whispered. He'd read my mind - again! That was getting rather annoying now, even though I've to put up with it for a very long time.

I didn't answer.

"This won't be goodbye. We'll see them again soon."

"I know. But I told Carlisle that I didn't know when Jasper would return. So it is."

I turned around on the bed and sat up, looking at Edward carefully. He could see the pain in my eyes, in my head. It reflected in his own eyes.

"I hate seeing you like this." He said, staring delicately into my eyes.

"I don't _want _to feel like this, but everything's coming at me at once. I can't put up with all this _pain_."

"Then don't. Think about you for a change."

"I can't. I've always wanted to help others. I can't stop now. For all I know, in my human life I was someone who always helped others!"

I didn't know my human life. All I remember is darkness. I didn't know my real name, - if it wasn't Alice - or my date of birth, or even when I 'died'!

"Well, maybe you should try."

He was always trying to tell me what to do. I just _wished _that I could think about myself. He smiled; he'd heard what I'd thought.

"Well we should get downstairs now." He said, his tone changing slightly.

I took a deep breath, composing myself. I crawled off of the bed, and brushed myself down, removing the dust motes that had collected and straightening out my outfit. I rubbed my eyes subconsciously, like I had been crying for the past half hour. Edward held out his hand, and I took it, not sure what would happen if I didn't.

"Come on, then." I said, feeling a little better than I did before.

We walked down our staircase, to find that the rest of them had packed a big bag of clothes each. Esme had the biggest bag, she didn't want to leave all of her precious belongings here - she wanted to take them as little reminders. Carlisle was holding that bag, so she was only left to hold a picture frame. I automatically knew which picture she'd taken - one of us all together; Rosalie and Emmett kissing, Carlisle with his arms around Esme's waist and Edward, Jasper and I with our arms around each other's shoulders - I was in the middle and smiling like the fool I was.

The looks on the rest of our family's faces were of concern and sadness. I tried not to look at them, so I stared at the floor silently until Carlisle spoke.

"So, I guess this is goodbye. For now." He amended.

"I'm going to miss you two." Esme said, walking over to hug us both at the same time. She stared at Edward in the eyes and said "You better look after her."

"Esme, I don't _need_ looking after." I retorted. Esme came over to kiss me on my forehead.

"Yes you do. You're my baby girl." She said softly. I pulled her into another hug, letting go of Edward's hand in the process.

"I'll miss you too." I whispered. I let go eventually, unwillingly to be bear-hugged by Emmett.

"I'll miss you too, sis." Emmett said. I couldn't break away from his vice-like grip, so I said " Emmett, you have to let go sometime."

He let go, and whispered lowly by my ear, " Kick Edward's butt if he gets too over protective, okay?"

I giggled, and Edward glared at him, not finding the humour in his words. I grabbed Edward's hand again.

Rosalie kissed me on my cheek, nodded and grabbed Emmett's hand to pull him out of the house. Esme trailed along after them, unwillingly. I watched longingly after them until they were out of sight, and moved my eyes to Carlisle's.

"Look after each other. If there's any problem you know where we are. When you get into Forks, just follow our scent." Carlisle said. He sounded sad, to leave us, but he knew that this was necessary.

He took my shoulders and kissed my forehead roughly. He turned to Edward, and they hugged, a true father-son moment. They broke apart and Carlisle nodded toward both of us. He grabbed the bags and ran to catch up with the rest of the family. I just stood there in shock. Edward looked at me hesitantly.

"It's not too late to catch up with them." He said slowly.

"No. It's okay. It just took a while to realize that the won't come back." I choked.

He hugged me then, tight, like he didn't want to let me go.


End file.
